I got a response chat from a friend on WhatsApp and it read, “I’m honestly not better.”

As you may have guessed, this was a continuation of a conversation that we had already began – she was in a struggle, and just realized how real it was.

Let’s cut to the chase.

How can you make yourself feel better when struggles hits you hard?

Well, with realization comes the acceptance of what has become. Accept that the situation is real and that you may not be able to do anything about it at the moment. But you can certainly do something about how you feel.

When you cannot change a situation that makes you feel bitter, there are two things you can do to feel better. 

The first thing is to talk to yourself, and the second is to talk to someone else.

Talk to Yourself

We have so much control over how we feel than we know or often think we do. A man lives in two worlds – the world within him and the world around him.

Too often we are shaped by the world around us, making the world within us only a subset of the world around us. To be able to talk to yourself at moments of external crisis, the reverse has to be more of the case.

When your outside world is shaped by your inside world, it becomes easier to draw strengths from within you when situations around seems unpleasant.

Vision, purpose, goal, ambition, faith, hope, these are some of the elements that can constitute a man’s inner fortress.

Because they are not tangible, they may exert less influence on our lives than what we see in the physical world. This is the case for most people.

History teaches us that great men achieve greatness by surmounting the many obstacles around them. To do same, you have to rely more on your inner strength rather than on the happenings around you.

At moment when it feels like you should give up, when the world around you seems to be collapsing, shift your attention to the world inside you and lean on your fortress.

I once read somewhere what it truly means to “be enjoying yourself”. It means to “be in joy in yourself”.

Most times enjoyment for us come from the satisfaction we get from things around us, and not those within us. Joy truly comes from within.

When your inside depends more on the outside world instead of the reverse, you are bound to collapse along with the world around you if it does.

Also, you could easily feel disappointed, be unproductive, lazy and less ambitious as there is no motivation to propel you. True motivation comes from within us.

Build an Inner Fortress

Build an inner fortress for yourself. Be motivated by purpose and vision. Let the world within you propel the world around you.

Certainly, the world around you also has influence over your inside. But if the inside is in control, you are going to pull through every situation.

So at moments of struggle, say to yourself “stay calm, keep focus, it’s only going to last a moment”. Keep the future in sight and enjoy yourself regardless of the struggle.

This may seem impossible but it can be done. It takes practice, and it takes time to master.

If you can’t to get yourself to feel better, talk to someone else. Work on building your inner self to be ready to handle future struggles because they will always come, sometimes making you unhappy.

So how can you make yourself feel better when struggle makes you unhappy?

First, accept that your current situation is real.

Next do something to fix the situation if you can, otherwise, talk to yourself and/or someone else.